I’m lingering on my fears.

Recently, it seems as if I am clinging onto my friends and any materialistic item I buy or receive. Holding on as if they would disappear if I were turn around for a second. I panicked when I realized I had misplaced a package, only to find it buried uunderneath a pile of unfolded laundry. It was a package of a colouring book and bonus that I got off of kickstarter. I had been looking forward to begin colouring with a friend, who have similar interests as I. This same friend who I asked if they wanted to hang tomorrow, said that they could only meet up today. I began to start pushing everything to the side to make room for this friend even though I barely have the time to as I still have to work on a cognitive lab report…

This hole and fear in my heart. It was caused by that stupid incident in October. I had a chance to try and talk it with one of those who ripped a gash into my soul and trust on Friday. But, we were going to have a middle person who would make sure no fighting started between the two of us. But, that person ran into some trouble and did not set up a meeting time for all of three of us to be at. I do not know if I should be sad that I will not get to hear any answer to my questions or relieved that I did not have to come into contact with that person. I am scared that even though I know this person will not harm me in that way, has been influenced by their significant other to see me in a light that is different from the reality. Most recent of their posts on their wordpress have only been tagged as #relationship. Before meeting their significant other, they would have tagged their posts with more things than just #relationship. I fear that they have been blinded by love and but I know that I should move on.

I have work to do and yet I keep being distracted. I try to learn more about Greek and Roman mythology to hear and sense Nona again. I do not want to lose any person, even if other will consider her to be fragment of my imagination… 

My fear of being abandoned is beginning to get out of hand…


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